Words hurt! Most of the times the words from your loved ones hurt! They call you names, and try to hurt you as much as possible. There is no point to be proved. Nothing. Just that they want to empty their trash cans on you. It hurts! Being someone’s dumping yard is not a pleasant feeling and you shouldn’t be proud of for being that. It lynches your happy thoughts for that person. It puts a big hole in your heart and all the love that you have stored for that person gushes out from there. Its hard for you to put together that shattered heart and then you simply start loosing interest in the things you loved to do. As if, the love for those things was somehow attached to that person. Or simply you start hating the word love because it brought the tears in your eyes.
Now love seems the very reason for your sorrow and you have forgotten the fact that it was not love but that person’s anger and mental garbage that brought all that sorrow. Mind no more remains rational. Well…it was never rational. Because you loved someone. Love is not rational and it does not weigh anything. There are only emotions and feelings and experiences in love. What will you weigh? Yes, these things start to feel heavy and they bring you down. But there is no weighing here. You can’t be rational with these things. Though you very much want to be rational after that hurtful event. The bleeding is still going on and all you want to do is stop it somehow. It feels as if you will die of that virtual mental bleeding.
And now the journey of realizing your own worth starts. You take your first step towards valuing yourself. But most of the times this journey is very brief. You like walk on this path for couple of days. Because she comes back and hugs you. Says sorry and you are done! Love takes over or may be the lust takes over or just emotional overwhelming takes over your heart and you forget about everything.
Some wise people say it is always best to hold on to love and good experiences than to grudge. Of course! But we also forget the other advice that says, learn from your past experiences and brace yourself for future, act in present! We just behave as if nothing happened and easily move on. But one things is always there. No matter how happy we become after that, there’s always a slight fear somewhere deep down in our mind that may be… that hurtful event will surface someday. We smile bigger or laugh even louder to cover up that fear whenever we have that thought.
At this moment we play ourselves into love again. We just try to brush off that thought. But it keeps haunting us. It typically surfaces whenever we are laughing and dancing with her or him. It never leaves our back. Some events leave a deep scar. Sometimes they are actions…sometimes words!